We got to go to the park before dinner tonight, although those people were home pretty late so it kinda was a toss up when I was asked “dog park or dinner?” It was such fun…although I was quite hungry so had to keep checking in with my parents. They think I d0 it because I am learning how to walk off leash, but it is really because they usually reward with me a treat…needless to say Zoe is not as clever as I. She is always running amok, focused on whatever last sensation she thinks she is following over keeping with the pack and getting treats. Zoe is a card. She runs off and runs runs runs with other dogs and then realizes we have moved on. I get mad at her when she jumps the fence so we wrestle and tussle there instead of ruining our yard. Zoe and a Dalmatian really ran hard tonight… Zoe could barely remember to beg when Mom was making dinner.
Anyhow, to capture the moment here is an intro to a short film she put together:
Okay. I can just about hear everyone out there saying that it is no longer Christmas time so why entitle this blog with a line from the 12 days of Christmas (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2oPio60mK4). However, if you had seen my post from a few days ago (or lived in northern Illinois..or parts nearby) you may understand why this particular phrase popped into my consciousness.
This blog is a story about my high-flying sister Zoe. As you should know by now, I am the Queen of my realm. Aside from the previously mentioned divine intervention, my ascension to this noble title was bequeathed to me by my royal FarMor (Grandmother) in Michigan who is the Queen of her court. As she could no longer oversee her entire empire she gave me the authority to rule the FairOaks Estate. She obviously skipped a generation as my father is but my mere scribe – hardly the throne occupying presence. So if this blog is about a leaping Zoe why is it entitled Lords instead of Ladys? Well to quote my dad quoting Lyle Lovett: “She’s no lady, she’s my sister.”*
Enough with the sidebars and distractions I can get to my original point of this post. And that is our recent trips to the dog park – and in particular the fenced in lake area. The first couple of times we arrived at this section of the park we hung out and sniffed the other dogs on the other side of the fence as we awaited out parents to catch up.
Then a thought (likely the first ever) formed in Zoe’s head and it went something like this: “Why wait for the old farts when I can get to the other side with a simple hop?”
I reprimanded her for not following the park rules when I was (finally) ushered through the gate. For some reason there are no pictures of that.
But once Zoe learns she can do something, no amount of scoldings or rebukes will dissuade her from continuing her fun. So now when we get close to this area it isn’t about when she’ll make the jump, but how. For instance, last weekend we were at the park and Zoe made her now patented jump into the lake section. There were a couple of dog families in there and one proclaimed: “did you just see that!?!” We decided to mess with Zoe and pretended to turn before going into the gated area. So when our Mom called her and said we were going right instead of left Zoe hopped the fence again and started following us. Unfortunately for her she caught her foot on the top of the fence which caused her to have an imperfect landing (not her typical “10”). We all giggled – not at the fact that she clipped the top, but that we actually did an about face and headed back toward the lake. Zoe took our joke in stride and hopped the fence again before we could get there. Now the ENTIRE pack inside the fence was watching. The kids were like “Wow!” One of the fathers said: “She’s jumped that like a horse!” And one of the mothers said: “That was a neat trick!” To which the scribe responded: “Unfortunately it isn’t a trick we taught her.”
Zoe thought this blog should have been named after her favorite song, “Can’t Fence Me In”**, since these wooden gates don’t restrict her movements at all! I prefer the more dignified exit of having one of my … open the gate for me – or when I am feeling a bit cheeky – slipping through the gap:
The Royal Me (Tempi)
After doing a couple of fact checks on this entry I discovered:
1*) Dad has been misquoting Lyle Lovett all this time, for reasons that I can’t explain, and the real title is “She’s no Lady, She’s my Wife.” Come to think of it he is probably smart not to sing the actual words around the house.
2**) Zoe’s favorite song is really a classic oldie called “Don’t Fence Me In”. Apparently Zoe transformed the name based on her Equine-like jumping skills ;). But you should also hear her words assigned to the latest McDonald’s commercial.
Recently my parents left Zoe and I alone so they could go to go to the mountains. Well actually they had the pet-sitters stay with us in their absence but did I mention that they went to OUR mountains in New Mexico without us???!!! These mountains, people, are the ones they said we would go to in January and we never made it; snowed out or some such nonsense. This trip, they say, was because they only had a few days so that they had to take an airplane since a road trip was not practical…and so we were left behind.
In their absence I took the opportunity to look through our iPhotos so I could prepare and queue up some future posts; posts that I was unable to get The Scribe’s attention to transcribe previously. I figure sometimes a girl has to take matters into her own paws. What I found were pictures that were quite shocking and previously not shared with us pups.
Not one, not two, but THREE pictures of dogs in airports getting ready to take a plane trip!!! So why are we relegated to staying in Illinois when we could be in the mountains running off leash??? And for those keeping score, those are two wee Corgi’s in the one picture – but that is a story for another time.
And to add insult to injury, upon their return…well I was quite happy to see them to be honest. I gave them both many kisses, squirmed between their legs eliciting booty scratches (one of my favorites), while Zoe ran amok in her ADHD kind of way.
But back to my point about the pictures I found on their return. When they arrived in Albuquerque, after walking down the jet-way, there was a dog and her parent in the concourse acting as a welcoming committee – just in case you aren’t following along, it is another dog in an airport…just saying.
And, as I am sure you noticed, the dog that greeted them has a name that is a homophone of my name!!!! In other words, there is absolutely no reason that I can comprehend that I have not been in an airport. My mother, according to what I understood from a subsequent telling of the story, told the woman that they also had a dog named Tempi but it was spelled with an “i” instead of an “e.” The woman was gracious enough but did kind of roll her eyes at what she apparently perceived as an egregious spelling mistake on our parents part – which of course was not the case. As the founder of the band Mondo Cozmo once said, the name of their group was based on the best $50 he ever spent…the rescue of his best friend from a dog shelter…and their name was spelled that way because that was how Cozmo spelled his name! Duh. Maybe that is why I am not allowed in airports… I am just too smart. I would make people feel bad, which is not a nice thing to do.
This is what it looked like in our backyard today (you may notice that there are no big dirt patches where the grass used to be so that “problem” is SOLVED! – Thank you very much):
Zoe left to see if the front yard was any different while I kept my focus on the picnic table since just yesterday, when it was sunny and relatively warm, Dad put up the umbrella and I was uncertain how it would hold up under the wet snow:
:
She discovered it was not so much better out front:
But it turns out that it didn’t improve as the day progressed and by the afternoon the accumulation was significant (see you in spring, snapdragons)!
Speaking of dragons, I thought all this snow in our parts was foreshadowing of the premier of the Final Season of Game of Thrones as they are always talking about “winter is coming.” And once I saw that my paw prints were today “WhiteWalkers” when just yesterday at the park -like they have been for weeks now – they were more “Mud Gaits,” or “Clayjoys” I thought that my deduction was spot on:
Then we all piled in Khaleesii (the mother of dragons) and the name of our dog car for what we were certain was a return to my 44 acre Queendom! For some reason we turned left instead of right and ended up on the tollway. Crap. This is the way to the dog training center where our parents try and teach us how to behave according to their bizarre rules. It is also the cause for wintry precipitation as every single time with one exception when we go there it has been snowing. So it appears as though my whole hypothesis of HBO controlling our weather situation may need a bit retooling and the real power influencing Mother Nature is actually TOPs!
Despite this slight miscalculation, I still retain my spot on the throne:
There may actually physically be enough room for two on the throne:
But those peasants below me (Zoe, Dad….) must know their place and take refuge on the community couch whilst I take my position, as deemed rightful by divine providence that I, Tempi, am to sit on the throne. That is why I am your queen (to paraphrase Monty Python).
The Tempest hast spoken!
P.S. I was an angel at dog training as it should be no surprise given my supreme intellect. Zoe? Not so much. She ran when she was supposed to come, and came when she was supposed to stay. Stuff like that. I love me!
Today I was reintroduced to the landscape architect who helped design our backyard…he even gave me a piggy-back ride! Great guy. This was the first time Zoe met him but she immediately took kindly to him and expressed this by jumping up on him and giving him a good big smooch with her tongue – midair – that caught him in the mouth. Of course, being a dog lover himself (more on that later) he shrugged it off and laughed at how much energy we both had – especially ZO-ZO.
Shortly after which he was assaulted with what he saw as a real horrific scene. Us dogs thought it perfectly normal. B. was speechless at what we had done with his tableau…which originally I thought meant he was going to give us a bonus but it turns out he was aghast that this (exhibit A):
Had turned into this (exhibit B):
For the life of me I don’t see a real difference – other than someone obviously enjoyed life. And, to any jury out there, I want to say that this is not a fair comparison at all. Exhibit A is late summer at the peak of growing season, and Exhibit B is early spring – aka “mud season”.
However, B said it was like someone being in Europe in late 1938 and then returning in 1944. Somehow I think this was an insult on the status of our yard. I may have to do some reading on the subject but I am pretty sure he was inferring that our yard had been bombed out – or maybe turned into a front line trench (??).
But that aside and moving on:
During the conversation about how to get the garden back to exhibit A, my parents explained that Zoe and I were undergoing training at Tops. B (the landscaper not the exhibit) said he took his dog, who went to college not too long ago, had gone to Tops for a two-week “boot camp” back when he was a mere puppy. When he arrived to pick up his newly educated pup, the receptionist asked which dog was he there to retrieve. He responded by providing the person with his new best friends name. At which point the people behind the counter conferred with one another, paused, and said…”wait a minute”. They then disappeared into the back. Shortly thereafter, the trainer who had been working with his dog, came up and sheepishly informed him that another week would be necessary to get his buddy up to TOPS standards – and that extended time would be on them! This story coming after Zoe and I got high marks for our behavior at our last training session (me more than Zoe…if that is even necessary to say). My point being that how could we be held responsible for Exhibit B?
After that story they discussed possible solutions to the problem (?) of our garden – which by the way had more to do with drainage than dogs (just saying). At which point B said that maybe his wife was going to win the “argument”. At first I was confused by this statement but then I remembered he was talking about a debate he and his wife were having after the Tops Trained pup graduated (about 1.25 yrs ago) as whether to get a bigger dog (like Zoe and I – B’s side) or a smaller dog (his wife’s side). After a few seconds of noodling over this data I realized us “big dogs” were being disparaged and I was reminded once again about this cartoon:
And of course “be yourself” equates to rollicking in the mud (formerly grass), pruning the bushes, and of course fertilizing the whole plot of land!
I have a simple question for you. What has happened to the Service Industry lately?
I remember a time when all my needs were catered to even before I knew I had a need! Today, not so much. For instance, Saturday morning I went to our water bowls in our room and they were both empty!
So I thought I’d just get what I needed by myself by getting a drink from our bowl upstairs…
But it too was empty.
Time to really take matters into my own paws! By which I mean I picked up this bowl, carried it downstairs, and threw at on the floor in front of my Mom who was sitting on the couch. She quickly (after a glare from me) realized that we pups needed water. Unsurprising, Dad snoozed through this interchange but did notice – when he finally arose – that the dog bowl was missing upstairs. When he inquired as to why Mom moved the bowl he found out about my initiative!
This weekend I also had to prompt my parents to take us to the dog park since they were not acting quickly enough for us. I first set Mom’s new wellie boot on the couch but they were so not paying attention to us.
After trying to be patient a little longer, I figured I better get serious and brought one of Dad’s new boots to the front door and thrashed it about for a few minutes (and Zoe jumped in to raise their awareness..and we may have tussled a bit) which apparently was enough to divert their attention from their i-devices just long enough that they finally got out our leashes and fired up the dog car.
Aside from this weekends examples us dogs have also had to take other actions to get what rightfully should have been brought to us by our servants. The first example was when there was a grain containing kibble food bag in the pantry that Zoe would help herself to when one of my parents were in there for any reason – although usually it was while they were distracted getting our dinner ready. They then moved this food to a bin that was not self-service friendly.
I have also taken to (trying) to help myself to treats that my Dad almost always has in one pocket or another with whatever he is wearing. My favorite is when the treats are in the “hand pouch” of his hoodie! Very easy to get my nose in there and often when he is trying to reprimand me for helping myself one or two fall out…HAHAHAHA!
Zoe and I hope you have better service in your own lives but we want you to know that sometimes it is OK to take what you want! [editorial note: Mom says this really goes against the expensive dog training we are working on, Temps].
Montana Moments 